To Believe or Not to believe...
Back before Hayleigh passed her and I would go walking every morning, we talked about a series of topics, one of which was what I wanted if she passed. I told her that if (God forbid) she didn't survive this horrible illness, I wanted her to come to me in some way and let me know that she was okay. She said that she would do that for me. I needed to know that she made it to a good place, and was okay. We talked about feathers, we talked about signs, and we talked about our animal spirit guides. She assured me that if she could she would visit.
As some of you may know, I have worked in Mental Health as an administrative support for many years, and if I were to tell most of my colleagues what I have felt, seen, etc., I would probably be locked up. I have also talked to many who believe what had happened to me.
In December of 2018, one year after Hayleigh had passed, I had my first "visit". This was NOT a dream! It was much more than that. I was "semi-conscious" and looked beyond the side of my bed to see a vision of a body coming close to me. The body crawled in bed with me and snuggled in next to me. I put my arms around it, and knew immediately who it was. The form was solid, but the head was behind a veil. "Hayleigh" began to communicate with me, not through words, but thoughts and she kept saying "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry" and then "It will be alright, don't worry". I thought she was letting me know that she was sorry for leaving us so abruptly. Two weeks later her dad collapsed at work and within a matter of days was diagnosed with a bleeding ulcer that had progressed into a Signet-Ring Cell Carcinoma, a very rare, hard to cure form of stomach cancer. Thinking about this, I believe that Hayleigh was letting me know that something was about to happen yet again with our family. Rick was immediately booked with Oncology, started Chemotherapy (4 grueling chemo sessions were scheduled), was booked for a total Gastrectomy and then an additional series of Chemotherapy. This resulted in two "no change" scans, which, in our books, we will definitely take!
Thinking I was maybe losing my mind, I booked an appointment with a "medium" and was given the confirmation that Hayleigh had in fact visited, and was letting us know that her dad was sick but would be fine! She also sent a message that she "loved me to the moon and back", which was something we told each other regularly, and is a picture that hangs on the wall beside my bed!
Last spring, I went to see a second medium, Michelle, who first connected with our son, Michael, who said he just wanted to make sure that his dad and I had not forgotten him. He was stillborn, but we have never and would never forget him. Michelle told me that he was very happy to be with Hayleigh. I assured him of this in the session. Then Hayleigh came forward. She, through Michelle, told me that she leaves black feathers for her dad - we have three or four that have landed in our path during stressful times - one was when we were scattering her ashes in PEI, just before, Rick and I were having a moment, and I looked down at there was the most perfect black feather! (on one of our walks she told me that black feathers appear when a loved one is near, grey and white feathers and mixed feathers have other meanings). Michelle said that Hayleigh told her that she sends crows (Curly, Moe and Larry lived in the trees in her back yard from the time she moved in, but had disappeared before she passed) to let me know she is with me. The morning that I was going to see Michelle, there were two crows that cawed at me from the tree next to our house. On my way in to get my stuff together, I found a black feather laying on the front steps. Michelle also shared a message that Hayleigh was busy on the "other side" looking after six babies and all were coming to fulfil some purpose. Shortly thereafter we started hearing about pregnant relatives and all the six babies arrived...all are perfect and one in particular resembles her TiTi...Hayleigh's title from when Quinnie was born.
The second visit happened the week before Liam crossed the "Rainbow Bridge". Again, the body showed up, but the head was not visible, and there was no veil...like she was disappearing before my eyes. Again, she crawled in and cuddled me, the body still very solid, but this time it was so very cold. The message was conveyed in much the same way - no words, just thoughts, letting me know that she was there for a purpose, and that she missed me. I told her how much I loved her and missed her terrible and she acknowledged feeling much the same way. Two days later, Liam left to be with his momma. While walking in the yard that morning, Rick found the black feather left to let him know she was with him. This past weekend (September 12th), Rick and I were relaxing at the lake and a crow landed on our bunkie and sat and cawed at us for about five minutes...It showed up a couple of times over the weekend, but I will always wonder if it was sent by Hayleigh to let us know she was watching over us.
Liam has since been cremated later that week and, as per Hayleigh's wishes, his and her ashes will be scattered together, hopefully around Thanksgiving.
I will never stop missing either of them, and whether you believe or not (I would never tell anyone what to do), I feel both her and Liam's presence, and believe they leave us messages and signs to let us know they are okay and that they is with us.
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Holly Connell is a fierce Momma Bear, protective wife, "Grammy" and retired Admin Assistant. "Proud" is an understatement where her children and grandchildren are concerned.